Letting go - finding the unexpexted

Often I find myself confused and afraid. Starting on a drawing, often gets me. The fear of that I have lost my intuition. The ability to see the picture I want on the paper and not the least, the ability to make my hand to fulfill what I see. The torment of keeping the focus and the upholding the vision of the picture that is not really there.

This I more a curse than a blessing some times. Or maybe more like most other things. Neither black or white, but gray-scales.

This time I am working on this drawing: